Fear

I’ve written about what I’m scared of, and it seems I have many fears. It seems silly, I know. I don’t like being so fearful about things, and I know it bothers my husband at times. After this summer, I think I’m getting better. It seems irrational to some to avoid climbing a ladder to look around, or peer over that bridge to the water below. Some things scare me, others are a little easier to bear. I had the opportunity recently to travel to a mountain peak for a view of the world below. I was excited. I wasn’t nervous about riding up the ski lift at all. I honestly hadn’t thought anything about it, because when I was sixteen, I had gone skiing, and had no issue with the ski lift. Once I sat in that chair, however, I was paralyzed with fear. My irrational thoughts took over, and I was constantly thinking about falling out of the seat and rolling down the mountainside. It was silly, I know. Many, many people had ridden that ski lift before me. I doubt they felt the way I did. It was miserable. I had to pass my beloved camera to my husband because I couldn’t even relax enough to take photos of our journey up. I was able to take two photos on my phone. That was it. The rest of the time was filled with worry about the trip up, and ultimately, the trip back down, which my mind starting thinking would be worse. I mean, at that point, I would be facing the long drop down to ground level, which was even worse to my mind. What was I doing?? This was not how it was supposed to be. I was letting fear overcome the beauty around me. When we were unloaded at the top, I was finally able to relax a bit. I looked out over the view below, and everything seemed better. I still worried about the trip back down, however. I texted a friend who told me that i could handle it, but that also riding the lift was the only way back down. I was scared, again. So much so, that my husband asked an employee about another way back down. We were told the only other way was to walk down. Two miles. I didn’t care, it was music to my ears…I could hike down, no problem! So we did. All the way down. It was strenuous, and took forever, but in my mind, it was better than riding the “death lift” back down! We saw lots of things that we wouldn’t have seen without hiking…wildflowers and trees…but we also were able to lose ourselves in nature for a little while. No other people were around, it was just us and our thoughts and conversation. I’m thankful for the alternate way down that day. It makes a great story to tell, but I proved to myself that being scared doesn’t have to make me miss out on the best parts…sometimes, it can make you see even better ones.

downloadski down

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